Clear Duct Tape Violates Laws of Nature

So, like Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren in Universal Soldier, 3M has defied the laws of nature and messed with God's plan to bring us juiced up duct tape. The new 2120 Scotch Transparent High Performance Duct Tape is apparently easier to peel from the roll, is far more adhesive while cutting down on the wrinkles, and is more than 6 times as durable as the old gray standby.

Increased durability? Fine. More adhesive? Bring it on. No wrinkles? Yes, please. Clear? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND? I mean, I understand the need to advance technology, but is it necessary to completely destroy the characteristic that we use to identify a given thing? CLEAR tape resembles duct tape about as much as a Swingline stapler resembles a nail gun. What a crock. I demand that 3M answer for this abomination, this bastard child of mad science and questionable ethics, and at the very least come up with a new name for this product, which is patently NOT duct tape.

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